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Recently I was thinking about how I used to behave in relationships, before I became a psychotherapist and learned about emotions and attachment. When my relationships were going smoothly, it was easy to act nice and be understanding. I got angry and sometimes I said mean things, which I almost always later regretted. No matter how great couples look on Facebook, no matter how many loving, hugging, kissing photos you see of your friends, no intimate relationship is trouble free.
Collecting derivative benefits doesn’t reduce what your ex-spouse receives, or, if he’s remarried, what his current spouse receives.